A Bride’s Prerogative?

A Bride’s Prerogative?

We have all heard or even spoken of the saying that it is a “Bride’s prerogative to be late on her wedding day”, but my advice to any Bride or Groom is to be punctual whenever possible.

As a couple, you usually spend considerable time planning your wedding day, from the guest list to the suppliers and the all-important timeline. A misjudgement in the Bridal prep can have detrimental consequences for the rest of the day.

Let’s look at those consequences first, then suggest a few ways to avoid the situation.

Let’s take for an example a 2 pm wedding ceremony. You will have likely asked your guests to arrive at 1 pm, the registrar/officiant will start to seat your guests at 1.30 pm, and your intended will be waiting at the end of the aisle in anticipation from 1.45 pm

So, if, for example, you are 20 minutes late, your betrothed will have been stood at the end of the aisle, stared at by your guests for 35 minutes, and your guests will have been seated for just 10 minutes off an hour.

A lot (not all) venues will advise of a 90-minute drinks reception following your 30-minute ceremony (based on a civil service, not a religious one). By 2.30 pm, you and your other half should be married and walking back up the aisle, hand in hand, showered in confetti. Your drinks reception would usually start then, and the venue would begin seating guests around 4 pm. However, in our untimely example, the ceremony would be wrapped up at 2.50 pm, which would initiate your wedding planner, photographer and catering staff to enter into negotiations. The food service was due to start at just after 4 pm, and the chef and kitchen staff had all planned around that time. If you stick to 4 pm, you have just lost 20 minutes of your 90-minute drinks reception (or 20.222%). Putting the meal back causes stress for the caterers, and how much will depend on your chosen food. They, you and your guests want the food to be perfect; it’s reflective of your choices, their skill and the whole day, nobody wants overcooked beef.

This 90-minute (now 70) drinks reception time is when you will be greeted, hugged, kissed and congratulated. Your photographer/videographer will want to capture all this natural love and genuine emotion. But we also know this is the best time for any “group photos” and some of your “couple photos”. In the summer, when the sunset isn’t until 10 pm, there are plenty of opportunities for photos after the meal; however, I recommend getting the family/Bridal party photos done before the wine flows and the toasts are toasted. With 25+ years of wedding experience and over 1500 weddings attended, I can assure you that not doing these photos before the wedding breakfast can be a mistake. On the lighter side, I have seen Brides/Grooms/Bridesmaids/Parents spill soup, gravy, red wine and all manner of food/drink intended for the mouth down their outfits. On a more concerning level, we have all been to weddings where that one Bridesmaid/Groomsmen/Mother has partaken in one too many glasses of the table wine. By the end of the speeches isn’t really in a “photogenic composure”.

After the speeches and a few glasses of wine, even the couple often put less importance on getting the family together for photos, which I would imagine will be regretted in hindsight.

With this in mind, you now have one hour and ten minutes to have confetti thrown at you, meet and greet, capture any family/friend/Bridal party photos, and some lovely photos as a couple (just in case the weather isn’t so kind later) eat canapes and usher your guests in for the meal; it will feel like a rush because it will be.

So, there is your compromise. Catering staff/photographer/wedding planner. We all work together to get you back on track.

Other considerations, if you are later than 20 minutes (the latest I have ever experienced a Bride is 50 minutes late), are things like your evening guests arriving during the speeches. I had one instance of things going so awry that the 8 pm first dance was at 10 pm, and the band could only play until midnight due to licensing laws, meaning the expensive (and very good) band that had been paid to play for four hours only managed two. Remember that some photographers/videographers are booked for a specific time.

Being on-time for the ceremony is quite key to having a stress-free day, after all that planning don’t throw the timeline out of the window and start on the backfoot.

So, how does this happen, and what can you do to avoid it?

Have a good team. Not just your suppliers but your bridal party. 

Bridesmaids/Bridesmen can make/break your punctuality, so choose those you can rely on to look out for and after you. In recent years I can recall a few instances where Bridesmaids have either caused the delay or encouraged it (with those damn words “Bride’s prerogative”). “It’s YOUR wedding day; you can start whenever you want to,” I heard one bridesmaid say when advising a stressed bride. This is unfair, to your intended, your guests and suppliers but also to the people conducting your ceremony. After 20+ years of being paid to attend weddings, I haven’t yet had a celebrant or registrar leave due to a bride or groom’s tardiness, but I have had a few come very close. Often these vital components to your wedding day will have several other couples to marry. One of their ceremonies running 20 minutes or more late will cause them a lot of unnecessary stress and possibly delay or, at the very least, worry the couple who are to be married next.

So, choose attendants who will be chivvy, encourage good timing, and not impede it.

The following key to having a relaxed morning is booking professionals. Hair and Make-Up artists who undertake weddings regularly and have plenty of experience in them are a godsend on a wedding morning. They know how long things take, often draw up a detailed timeline and build in contingency.  If they say that they advise starting at the ungodly hour of 5 am it’s for a reason (often due to having an ungodly amount of Bridesmaids!), so either cull some attendants, book a later ceremony time or accept that it’s like getting a flight or having children at Christmas, it’s going to be a bleary-eyed start (and think of the poor supplier who will often have an hour drive and be up early enough to get themselves ready)

A lot of wedding dresses take longer to put on than you think. The attentive staff in the Bridal shop might be able to lace you into your dress in 5 minutes flat, but they have a lot of experience and won’t be there on the day. So, I’m going back to the 2 pm ceremony. Try to finish your hair/make-up by around 12.30, then dress on for 1 pm. This is early but has allowed a decent margin for the law of sod. The registrars will want to see you at 1.30 pm, and the MUA will want to do the final touches when you are in your dress. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a toast and some photos with your bridal party with no stress/worry about time?

A good wedding planner will keep you on time and look after any stresses/mishaps that might happen, so consider hiring one if your venue doesn’t come with one.

Don’t forget to factor in any travelling time if you are not getting ready on-site

And finally. Your photographer. A good photographer will know how to work with a timeline and be able to adapt when things stray from it.

If you are running late, your photographer isn’t there to make it worse. They must pivot their plans to make sure that nothing they do delays you further. Yes, it would be great to have some pre-wedding photos with parents/attendants to capture first looks, first touch and whatever else you desire, but if you are already 15-20 minutes late, they might have to scrap those plans. An inexperienced (or maybe just a narcissistic) photographer might insist on stopping proceedings and carrying on as planned. I have heard so many stories from wedding planners/venue organisers of photographers taking so long to capture what they want that everyone is getting highly strung. When a wedding chef is pulling out his/her already greying hair you can be sure they are cussing the photographer, and that is based on their previous experience. I can proudly and honestly say that I haven’t once caused a couple to be late for any part of their day, not for the ceremony, meal or first dance. I will always work with the venue and other suppliers to make sure that everything is a fluid and on-time as it can be, whilst still getting those must-have shots and moments captured.